TURN BACK THE CLOCK TO JANUARY 4, 2006

Two years ago January , the 4th 2006 I drove you to your shuttle to catch your plane back to Fort Drum.

Two years ago I sat with you over a breakfast in a truck stop before your shuttle came. After I touched your face, held your hand, kissed your check and felt your tight bear hug as you wrapped yourself around me and I buried my nose into your neck.

Two years ago you told me not to look back, but I did through blinding tears and saw you bent with your hands on your knees fighting your own tears and I wanted to turn back. But I didn't because I felt I had to respect your request even though my heart was wretched in agony.

It was for the last time and I didn’t know.

I want that moment back. I want to tell you don’t go. I want to keep you by my side, warn you of what is to come. Somehow reach back and protect you.

I’m your mother. That’s what I was supposed to do.

The rawness of the pain with in my heart does not lessen.

It is a struggle daily to take steps to meet the basic demands of life’s routine without you.

My body moves forth, but my spirit is stalled.

Noah and Red remain just as lost as I. We search for answers we cannot find. Noah’s future so unknown now without you.

“Death is the end of a life, not a relationship”.

My relationship with you my dear son will never end. My tears are always streaming. Sometimes they just aren’t visible. The scream and rip of my heart is silent to those around me but deafening to me.

I try hard to do you proud. There have been opportunities to advocate for and pursue troop support and I have grasped on to each one in your memory.

Camp Lybert continues to flourish in Afghanistan. Missions being accomplished by soldiers continue under the severe conditions and shortages of supplies they need to successfully wage this war. Afghanistan children being taught at Camp Lybert , first by soldiers now number upwards of 45 and a teacher from Kabul has been sent.

They must speak your name. Even so far away from your home your name echo’s.

Yes son, you are remembered you are never forgotten. You are always loved.

“As long as I’m living my baby you’ll be”.